Everyone is capable of inspiring others. I was born into a situation that took me a long time to accept and understand the purpose of it all and while I learned how to make the best of it, but that didn’t come easily. Ultimately, life is a gift; however, it doesn’t always feel that way. From the start everyone is given a deck of cards and it is up to you to choose how to deal with them and find your own happiness. I am not resilient; I’m learning to be resilient. And for me, it will be a life-long lesson.
I was born into a family of twins. I have a twin sister and I have twin brothers who are 7 years older than my sister and I. Although I was blessed, I went through many hardships with my twin sister. When my sister and I were born, she ended up having a rare medical condition that caused her to have daily seizures and a learning disability. Due to that, she was constantly sick, in and out of the hospital, attended special schools in not so great areas due to our family’s limited financial options, and had to take many different types of medication. These medications would sometimes cause her hair to fall out, gain weight and affect her vision. I grew up with a lot of guilt, sadness and was oftentimes left constantly wondering “why her and not me?”. As a result, I was embarrassed of my emotions; however, I didn’t dare discuss this with anyone. I kept my feelings inside and decided that if she couldn’t be happy and live a normal life, I didn’t deserve it either.
Although I had friends at school I tended to isolate myself after school. As a teenager, I decided not to go to my prom as I didn’t want to remind her that she wasn’t going. When it came time for me to get my driver’s license, I almost decided against it because I knew my sister would never be able to learn how to drive. Thank goodness my dad stepped in and was determined to teach me regardless of my feelings. I didn’t understand her illness entirely and was in denial about it for a long time. I blamed myself for the way that she was and as a result, suffered from low self-esteem, became isolated and would refrain from opening up to people about my life and her.
I didn’t want others to know how sick she actually was sometimes. At school no one knew my inner most struggles because I always had a way of remaining positive even when things at home were falling apart. I would sometimes dread when people would ask me what it was like to be a twin. The reason being because I could never really give them the answer that I knew they were seeking and I never really felt that they would understand – so I would lie and tell them how awesome it was even though at night I would sometimes cry myself to sleep. I love my sister, but was sad that she had been born with the illness and annoyed at myself with how it affected our relationship.
Because of this situation in my life, I’ve reflected on some things I have learned and continue to learn.
I’d like to end on one of probably the most well-known, yet true quotes, especially in my situation: “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” Life sure did surprise me, but I’ve learned through it all that it was meant for a reason.
Lori Graham is Wiss’ Recruiting Manager. She is responsible for visiting colleges, universities and other recruiting events to find future Wiss team members. If you’d like to speak with Lori, you may reach her at 973.994.9400 or at lgraham@wiss.visioncreativegroup.com.